sexynewtamara

ok, i been doing well for the past weeks. Flew by without me feeling restrictive.  Today I walked 3 km for a warm up and came back 3 KM to get back.. total 6.  I did skip breakfast but i had a meal replacement, cafeine.  I made some chicken last night, and I in ongoing weightloss with Atkins phase 2 allowed 25 carbs.  I been eating 35 due to my hard to beat cravings, yet i loss more than a pound 1.6 lbs I lost last week. Still good. But i am having a hard time tonight, i am aching, although i took pills still dull and cold today a bit out of it. the pain I just cant bring myself to cook anything- comtemplating  on those fries who are calling me _COMFORT FOOD… i am actually trying to rethink it.. is it worth it?  Hubby cant cook, that is the way he cooks. Feeling so guilty yet i am not piping down.; why is this feeling so strong?  Just mindless ramblings.. Ill update if I did it or not. I feel like I cheating so horribly.. but i know i have next day to recuperate… this feeling should go away.

A 13lbs loss in 2 weeks. things are going wonderfully and I am sticking to it. Even though the dog and hubby gets rice, i get squash cauliflower for that mental stability. I starting to like it lol even pretending its rice.  I did have one drink, but I did not enjoy it as a i would normally. I had one drink not by myself or out to dinner, I had a drink a half a glass of champagne to toast to my motherinlaw 57th bithday. It did not get in the way, nor did I  slipped off. I actually just had perrier all night whille everyone was on beer.  Perrier Lemon is nice.

Thanks to all my wonderful buddies who sends emails and little perks? sorry i havent been updating with my buddies properly, i will just a lot been going on and i trying to keep my head above water and concentrate.

All my love,

 Tamara

I been doing atkins for 5 days and stopped drinking for 14 days … I have lost 6 lbs. of course this is the first weeek, mostly water loss but I feel a lot less bloated. I am genuinely happy with this result. WHY? because I tried it before and it didnt work and I stopped.  Then I read over my weight watchers notes…. i was using 1:3 of my points for wine lol .. that is the part which i noted.

I know it doesnt matter which diet you do. If you actually follow some type of rule in cutting your calories, weightloss will occur i am just a fan of Atkins and WW as i find at the end of the day.. they quite similar. No cabbage soups here, although i like cabbage, but i am on my way! 

Ok started this today.

I resent the fact I let myself go the last few months, drinking away, acting a fool. losing my head deep in deppression its almost disgusting. I am ashamed, then again its just a reality check. I was conscious of the fact that i was gaining weight, i avoided the scale not to see as if i dont see I will not be gaining, laughable huh? I got so sloppy and after 5 years of maintaining my weight, in just a few months i gained everything back, of course 3 martini a day to say the least and a whole bottle of wine everynight should do it. Not even the food. I dont even eat that much. I do like to cook but i am not eating most of the stuff I do cook.

Before my problem was drinking soda.. bored, i drink soda, sad, soda ect ect ect.. I am not an eater.. most people have problems with cookies and chips and food in general. I dont even go to fast food or anything like that.

My key to weighloss and maintaining is to keep active and also try to monitor what I drink.  I unfortunaly have loss 30 lbs when i turned 21 and now i am back to square one.

Ok enough bitching about now moving on.  I had and  incident about 13 days ago. I went to this all you can eat buffet… party n things with my 14 year old brother who was visiting from the states.  I had my inlaws, and husband, brother with me.  I have this deep sadness inside my heart which i been trying to escape for months on end. And it goes deeper than i can bother to write or to think about most of time. make a long story short I only ate saute shrimps and drank white wine.. you would think its buffet and i would eat much. nawh i drink about oooh 3 glasses of Rose in calories that would be about 300 calories.  Then I drink a whole bottle of white.

This may come out as if i am an alcoholic… actually no.; at home i drink small quantities specially before bed i would sip glasses without counting. There in short amount of time i had the urge to just get Pissed, what you call binged drinking; I didnt care, i wanted to get away.

Everyone knows this one well-known fact, no matter how much you drink or how pissed you get what is inside will still be there in the morning just with a bigger head. Anyways I got really drunk and the air was thick. yeah I am 5°1 I cant drink hard stuff and yes a bottle and half of wine will get me drunk with no extra.

Went back home, vomitted it all. ALLLLL ALLLL and then some, all over my lovely tiles and inside my dogs bowl.. so disgusting.. poor Pongo.  I couldnt even get up the stairs, my father in law brought me up.  I tell you this much, it will never happend again.

I think we all get reality checks. I just thought about it long n hard on that sunday when my husband didnt say a word to me and my little brother laughing so hard ° what kind of person get drunk off wine?° 

I did get one thing straight though, i dont say i will never drink again, but only a glass and socially of course, but I went to the store I didnt buy 6 bottles of the cheap ones. I didnt even look at that section.  I had a bottle of mixed drink opened up…. Its still in the fridge. I just said STOP STOP STOP Its not me…I been always a good girl, no drinking, no hell raising, i never even got a detention while in school. why woud I start now. 1 year ago i was looking at pictures of myself, I looked fucking great!  Not skinny but fucking good! my hair nice, skin glowing cheek n plump and not greasy kinda way.  I want to be this Tamara, not the one laying on the floor near her own vomit.

While some may disapprove of my method, i beleive in replacement.  Since i always want to drink liquid, i buy diet cokes put them in a little fridge in the yard. Trick is, if i need one i have to walk my 8 acres to go get it.. so I still like to save my effort if i want it enough i go. so i drink diet coke.. hey what is the harm? I also have fizzy water…

in all its been 13 days I have need or want to drink . Its strange, I stopped the same way I started. I beleive this where my weight gain restarted as I had kept the weight off for 5 years and everyone kept telling me °slow down, hope you not still dieting° I beamed and told them I stopped and I was happy with my weight. Noone says anything but they noticed I gained a few.. Of course its not as the same as i was before.. i still workout so i am quite built.

Enough with the drinking issue. Talking on weightloss, not really looking for anyone to pat me on the back and say how strong or how for me to hang in there. probably lots of people are in my position and just different story.  About weightloss i think you just have to find your weakness and know and stay conscious of what you do and how you think.  I have a goal just to go to my previous weight and i have more ok, but i have a 90 days planned to get back on track using the Atkins plan as I failled Weight watchers so many times because i cheated on the quantities. Atkins felt more suitable for me at the moment, maybe i will switch to weight watcher on the final phase of atkins.

I havent weigh myself. I just know that I eat a lot less and consumption of alcohol is down to zero except if i have a caugh or a fancy dinner for september 20TH will be 9 years i been together with hubby.

Actually with everything that happens to you, at the moment i though i was going to puke out my lungs, but when i think about it, if it didnt happend I would not be writing this right now. I have this peace within me. Everything is stil the same. I am not out of deppression or everything is perfectly great. One thing did happend. I have gained control again!  No more going to bed with cup of anything. just fizzy water.. I saved abou 600 calories a day° 

Weight is not just °aah you are lazy and genetics made u that way or you eat badly° just numerous factors can make you fat. we all have a combination of things.

This is basically mindless blabbers. self therapy, it could have been written better or structured, but I just writing as I think, and not really worrying about how proper this is, so if you understand it, ok if not i am terrible sorry.  And if you do and see where I am coming from drop a line if you had a similar thing or not or maybe your drug is sprite and chocolate…